A Tea Drinker’s Guide to Enlightenment
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Contrary to popular belief, being old or English is not required to enjoy tea. Around campus lately, Upper School students may have glimpsed a small assemblage of Juniors, all exuberantly grasping mugs. These proud few are the Tea Boys.
The Tea Boys are changing the game. Never before have any students drunk so much tea during or outside of class. Brewing the sensational drink between classes is almost too easy. Thanks to a hot water dispenser and cups in the Café, all one needs is a tea bag. The Café actually sells tea in small quantities and has done so for years; however, it’s tea is not A-1 nor recommended. Instead, here is a list of the hottest (literally) tea on campus:
1. Ginger Peach by The Republic of Tea
A black tea originally brewed in China. Peach and ginger eternally locked in a sweet and spicy embrace that will only leave its drinkers pondering, “How am I just discovering this now?” Heavily caffeinated; a fantastic pick-me-up for those strenuous long block Wednesdays. Dank.
2. Earl Grey by Twinings of London
Chillest tea on the shelves. The sixth of its kind, this decaffeinated black tea has been a staple of the English diet for centuries. A temperate taste that relaxes the soul. Sip slowly.
3. Peppermint Tea by Trader Joe’s
Christmas came early. An unobtrusively minty taste that beguiles the tongue. Don’t be fooled by its inexpensive and mundane appearance: this tea WILL make you happy. Simply magical.
4. Orange & Spice by Bigelow
Forget everything you thought you knew about tea. Orange and spice intertwined so expertly, you won’t be able to tell which is which. It’s like throwing cayenne pepper into orange juice, but hotter. The colder the weather, the better. Potent yet soothing.
5. Green Tea by Celestial Seasonings
Your classic Chinese green tea. As stated on each box, “Its fresh flavor whispers of the moment when a new day dawns, alive with invigorating sunlight and clean air.” Too true. A gentle taste, yet packed with enough caffeine to restart your heart. Soothingly entrancing.
The previous knowledge has been scrutinized and approved by the Tea Boys. We as a society are dedicated to promoting our cause and spreading awareness about what to drink and what not to drink. Tea is a venerable beverage, and one must enjoy it accordingly. Failure to do so will result in the suspension of hot water privileges and/or confiscation of mug(s). As the organization’s founder and acting president, I will personally enforce these consequences. For application or inquiry regarding membership, visit our table at lunch or seek out one of our members, all of whom one can almost always find clutching cups around the Upper School. To speak to our manager, contact Caroline Lehman by brewing a hot cup of Earl Grey anywhere on campus. Trust us: she’ll come. Tea Boys out.