Are We Reflections of Our Friends?

We often hear the phrase “You are the company you keep.” Our closest friends and inner circle tend to mirror and shape our habits, values, and actions. 

In my experience, the people I spend the most time with have a subtle but real impact on who I am, and I tend to gravitate toward people who are similar to me. I begin to mirror their way of thinking and their habits. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I also believe there’s a limit. Just because my friends influence me, doesn’t mean I lose my sense of self or individuality. It’s important to maintain personal boundaries.

At the end of the day, I think we still hold onto our core values, the ones that come from our upbringing, experiences, and inner beliefs. Sure, we might pick up some of our friends’ mannerisms or favorite phrases, but we’re not complete reflections of them. 

Similarly, senior Hannah Evans says, “When I’m with my closest friends sometimes we finish each other’s sentences without even thinking.”

But what happens when our opinions clash, especially on something as divisive as politics?

In today’s political climate, I’ve noticed that even the closest friendships can face challenges. Knowing where someone stands on certain issues can be a dealbreaker. 

I talked to a few people at the School to see how they feel about politics and friendships. Ryan Diew, the School’s basketball coach, emphasized the importance of understanding another’s perspective by saying, “I went to college on the east coast, where people grow up and have different backgrounds and so people that grow up in like a rural area where policies are on the red side of the aisle are more beneficial to helping them and helping their families and so you kind of have to think about their perspective and what is good for them.”

Diew adds, “In my opinion, yes you can be friends with people with different political opinions…. If I align with you on some wavelength that’s going to bring us together and the more wavelengths that we align on the closer our friendships are, so I think it depends on a lot of different factors.”

On the other hand, a student that chose to remain anonymous had a different perspective: “I had a falling out with a close friend over politics last year. It wasn’t even about disagreeing… it was about realizing that their values didn’t align with mine anymore. It felt like we were growing apart…politics just made that clear. When a friend holds a view that I find harmful or dehumanizing, I start to question whether I can still respect them.”  

That being said, I don’t think politics always has to ruin friendships. It depends on how we approach those differences. I’ve had conversations with friends where we didn’t see eye to eye, but we were still able to respect each other’s perspectives. 

However, I’ll admit that not all opinions carry the same weight. While it’s easy to say, “We can just agree to disagree,” there are definitely some topics that hit harder than others. When it comes to human rights, for example, I find it difficult to brush off certain viewpoints as just a difference of opinion.  

In the end, those closest to us do shape who we are, making it essential to share core values and be mindful of what we allow to influence us.