A Night Under the Hospital Lights: Prom Pandemic-edition

Since the nation-wide lockdown commenced in March of 2020, the School was unable to hold their annual prom dance last year. However, in partnership with the Pandemic Prom Committee, Spirit Masters Sophie Coutu and Loucas Xenakis are determined to make prom 2021 a reality. 

In an exclusive interview, Coutu announced that the set location will be UCSF Medical Center in San Francisco: “We waited months to get our reservation! They were so over-booked, but we were lucky enough to rent out 25 operating rooms plus the ICU and ER!”

Keeping with the pandemic theme, the Committee will open up nominations for prom king and queen “Mr. and Ms. ‘Rona.” As part of the crowning ceremony, the elected ‘Rona royalty will be presented with their very own toilet paper sashes and Pfizer vaccine syringes. 

And now, to address what’s been on everyone’s minds: the fashion, because if the outfits aren’t Instagram-able, are they even worth wearing? This year, students are planning to get decked out in Covid couture, many of the gentlemen opting for full-coverage hazmat suits in place of tuxes. The ladies are keeping it classy, accessorizing with elbow-length latex gloves and face shields. 

While the Committee intends to go all-out on the party, social distance regulations are still being implemented. Interim Upper School Head Saya McKenna, one of the adults chaperoning the event, explained, “maintaining the strict six-foot distance between students at all times not only prevents the virus’ spread, but it also conveniently leaves room for Jesus.”

Prom is meant to be a magical evening full of celebration, but the School wants it to be affordable for all upperclassmen. That’s why this year’s tickets are selling for only $800. “Not being able to afford tickets should not be the reason someone doesn’t attend prom. This discounted ticket price ensures that your healthcare will be covered if we become liable for you contracting the virus,” Xenakis stated. “Also, we’re already paying full tuition for online classes, so what does another $800 matter, really?”

This year’s prom will surely be a night to remember. We hope to see you under the hospital lights this April 31st!