Easiest “A”: Honors Biology

 Are you a student struggling in Honors Biology? Well, that’s too bad! At the School, the rigor of this class is a common subject that juniors bond over. However, it is possible that students aren’t actually suffering from the difficulty of the curriculum itself. Could it be possible that students are just dramatic? And if so, what is causing this dramatism?

At the School, a newfound discovery shines a new light on the junior class: BioH isn’t actually hard, the students have just gone soft. According to Jen Brakeman, the infamous teacher for this class said “The abnormally low grades aren’t due to the rigorousness of the curriculum. These days, students have just gone soft.”

This past month, there have been multiple accounts of students fainting out of stress in the hallways from supposed “trauma” after receiving seemingly the easiest assignment of the year: a single-sided coloring worksheet of a neuron. Several so-called “survivors” of this worksheet report having to take a whole week off due to how much the assignment drained them mentally.

Just this week the BioH Affinity was created to support suffering students. Usually, a room number would be mentioned as a resource but the affinity is pretty easy to find, as long as you follow the sound of sobbing students. 

On the other hand, some students seem to be having an extremely easy time in the class. An anonymous junior states, “I really don’t know what the big deal is. I literally did my entire science fair project in 1 hour and 45 minutes, all while walking my dog. It’s so easy. Biology is the class where I catch up on sleep.”

Brakeman recalls her past experiences in biology, back when she was a high school student herself: “Back in my day, during a typical weekend assignment I had to create a cure for cancer, RFC an entire textbook and choreograph an interpretive dance on protein structure. Nowadays students have it too easy.” She too, also finds that students are making a big deal out of nothing.

That’s right, it appears that compared to past grades, the newer influx of students has been slacking off. 

New data representing what students actually feel about the biology honors curriculum has come up. Due to a recent lie detector test study, it has been reported that students have been lying about whether they think biology is actually a hard class or not. When asked the question “Is honors biology really that hard?” 99% of juniors responded yes. However, according to the lie detector test 100% of that 99% lied. 

What has caused this recent epidemic of dramatism? Some think the influence of our school’s drama, Andy Spear, has had an effect on the attitude of students with his classroom being just down the hall from hers. Brakeman expresses her disappointment in the matter: “I am so grieved by the number of students who have lied and tarnished the reputation of my bio room. However, I’m actually impressed how convincing they were in terms of complaining. For all the students who want to be so dramatic, I suggest maybe you consider joining the school play.”

For those students who aren’t drama queens, the bio course is actually a ridiculously easy class. But for those who struggle, this is our recommendation: Head Royce is a K-12 school. If Biology Honors is too hard for you, maybe utilize that K.