Lifers Successfully Integrate Back Into Society

The senior class of 2021 includes 21 Lifers, a record number of students who have attended the School from kindergarten through 12th grade.  In their final months, these Lifers are in the process of completing a series of three deprogramming courses to help them successfully integrate back into society outside of the School and its “quirks.” 

If you have had an encounter with a lifer, you likely are aware of a certain characteristic vanity — they are quick to delineate themselves (the “elite”as they may refer to themselves) from the rest. 

(I would like it to be made clear that despite coming to the School in the first grade, I am not, nor do I associate myself with the behavior of the lifers. In fact, they spent years reminding me of that/othering me, but, rising above, I dedicated myself to helping the lifer community by creating this program, with the help and perspective of lifer Arun Parwani, meant to prepare lifers for integration into the real world. “The world is a cruel, cruel place, and it’s time us lifers step into it,” said Parwani.)

While there are certainly countless entertaining stories to share from my observations of lifers over the past 12 years, some that shaped my reintegration program include: the time a class of ’21 student, who is to remain anonymous, willingly consumed several wisteria seeds before being rushed to the emergency room; the trauma students endured by having class with a certain music teacher and another with the fine arts teacher in the same day; the toxic pride they will never relinquish from finishing well in the annual World Games; and the unsuccessful entrepreneurship of those attempting to make a name for themselves in the silly bandz and take-apart-eraser trading business. 

Courses & Course Descriptions:

1. “How to Identify and Refrain From Ingesting Toxic Plants” – While plant toxicity is difficult to identify, with the right knowledge and a near-death experience, you will learn to differentiate edible and non-edible plants. This course will also instruct you on how to avoid putting unidentified seeds or plants into your system using this acronym: DAMN – Do you know what it is? Any characteristic observations? Measure the risk you’re willing to take. None? = assume toxic, don’t ingest. We will have a guest speaker come and share their experience with inedible plants on the School campus, so look out for that event!  
2. “Music and Art Therapy for the Traumatized” – For those Lifers who never fully dealt with the lasting trauma you experience from having music with one particularly frightening teacher and/or art with another teacher who enjoyed fear tactics, this class will guide you through those uncovered feelings. The priority of this course is to help you overcome any fear you may have towards instruments like the recorder, ukulele, or xylophone, in particular. If certain songs like “Octopus’ Garden” or “Purple People Eater” have lasting negative psychological effects due to how frequently you played them or how you were yelled at during rehearsal, then I strongly encourage you to take this class. Music should not be something that causes you any turmoil. This course will also offer relaxing creative spaces for art to be made. Fear not, you will not walk in on an art teacher wailing under their desk, only to yell at you minutes later. Let’s use this course as a way to bring the fun back into music and art for all you lifers!
3. “Get Humbled 101: Letting Go of Toxic Pride”- Excessive pride can be one’s downfall, so in order to help lifers combat this end, some humility needs to be dumped into their water. Participating in all five World Games throughout Lower School, lifers hold on to a toxic pride for placing first in the Games, and this pride is never relinquished. It has become a problem – lifers getting into verbal disputes over who won in fourth grade and who placed last, as if it really matters. In this course, we will be teaching the importance of occasional modesty. Essentially, we non-lifers will be humbling them, so if you are interested in being a member of the humbling committee, please reach out to me. Get excited, lifers…soon enough Brazil will be able to pass Japan in the hall without going for each other’s throat!
4. “Business Management” – Lifers understand better than most how businesses come and go. This course focuses on how to properly own businesses and establish sustainable business models. We will look at why their attempted startups failed: from a silly bandz and take-apart-eraser trading industry to a taki selling corporation. This course will instruct lifers on strong pricing tactics, the benefits of over-pricing, and much more. Non-lifer Hayden Thompson from the class of ‘23 is the founder of BizX and has graciously offered to be a guest speaker. Her vast knowledge will put all the class of 21 lifers’ startups to shame. Come by if you want to learn about where you went wrong years ago!