Satire
April 2, 2024, 9:04 am No Comments
On April 1st, 2024, a group of neighbors decided to give their driveways to seniors, so they did not have to walk the treacherous mountain up to the Greek Parking lot. After witnessing many fainting from thirst and broken bones, the neighbors of the School talked about being happy to revive the senior class spirit.
Diego Appleseed, a neighbor of the School, said, “It’s so disheartening to see the senior class’s hopes and dreams being destroyed by the 10000-mile hike up to the Greek Parking Lot Mountain. I hope that maybe my spot will just allow even one senior to reach the finish line.”
Senior Eloise de Anda Sanchez says, “The neighbors letting me park in their driveway makes me more motivated to go school instead of skipping class every other day. The walk up the Greek Parking Lot Mountain takes 2.5 hours a day, and I am always getting home at 10 pm. I will finally be able to have more time to do my homework instead of walking. I’m so happy to see that they are finally supporting our educational journey.”
The 10,000-mile walk has had long-term physical and mental health for all drivers at the School. However, the toll on seniors has been more serious as they are already mentally impacted by the new virus, senioritis. Seniors have been complaining of knee tiredness and loss of motivation, and even some had to go to the hospital
According to the City of Oakland, there have been 500 hospitalizations of students at the School for knee and leg injuries, most cases being attributed to the students walking up to the Greek lot.
Senior Saskia Stripling has broken her leg 15 times due to freak mountain biking accidents up Lincoln Avenue to reach her car. Stripling says, “Thanks to the neighborhood my commute will be reduced by 1,000 minutes.”
Some seniors’ attendance at school this year has been impacted due to the treacherous hike, but now some are planning to return to school. Senior Hannah Taylor said, “Without F lot parking has been very difficult for me. The hike after school to the Greek Parking Lot has caused a lot of mental and physical pain for me because of the 10,000-meter elevation change. Therefore, I just didn’t go to school anymore. But now hearing this from the kind neighbors, I will be planning to come to school two days a week.”
According to a survey conducted by the Expos staff, senior attendance rates in classes are expected to go up by 0.000000000000001%.
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Daniella Greenburg '28 October 24
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Daniella Greenburg '28
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