Rehab Program for TikTok Addicts Gains Popularity Amongst Students

In an effort to reintegrate students back into the academic world, the School has implemented a program designed to help the most desperate: TikTok-oholics. The rehabilitation program, known as TikTok Addiction Therapy, or TTAT, provides these lost souls with a safe space to confront their addictions head-on and consciously work to better themselves. 

Here is the TTAT 12-Step Intensive Program to Recovery and Self-Discovery:

1. First admit to yourself that you are powerless over TikTok – that your lives have become unmanageable.
2. Believe that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. 
3. Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of sunlight and actual human contact. 
4. Recognize your shortcomings. Make count of all the times you have continued to scroll through the app after telling yourself “five more minutes.” 
5. Admit to yourself and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs. This begins with taking down your Stardust LEDs and hugging your mother. She has missed you.
6. Prepare to seek out a friend or trusted adult to delete the app for you. You know you can’t do it yourself.
7. Humbly ask this friend or trusted adult to delete TikTok.
8. Make a list of all persons you have flaked on because of your TikTok addiction and become willing to make amends with them all. 
9. Make direct amends to such people whenever possible.
10. Continue to note your shortcomings when temptation to redownload the app arises.
11. Work to improve your conscious contact with the natural world, paperback books, and loved ones.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, you must carry this message to fellow TikTok-oholics and to practice these principles in all your affairs.

It is evident that these tangible action steps have proved to be effective, but these student testimonials speak for themselves. We respect those who have chosen to remain anonymous under their chosen by-lines:

“My addiction was so bad, I highly considered surgically removing my arms so I would stop renegading, but TTAT showed me a better path to self healing: Duct Tape.” – Jaedon Wong ‘21

“I used to be afraid to close my eyes because every time I did, I would see the glowing silhouette of Charli D’Amelio burned into my retinas. But thanks to TTAT, I can finally sleep again!” – Madison Harvey ‘22

“My attention span has greatly improved because of the program. Instead of simultaneously scrolling through the comments of a YouTube video while trying to watch the video, I’m forced to have my own opinions!” – A Senior Trying Their Best

“TTAT truly instilled a sense of self-discipline within me. Now, whenever anyone even mentions Doja Cat I instantly go into anaphylactic shock!” – Audrey Hardtke ‘22

“I’m proud to say that I’m seven months TikTok sober. While the meme-withdrawal symptoms were brutal, my family is finally talking to me again!” – An Awkward Freshman

“My sense of humor is only slightly less broken now! TTAT was life changing!” – Maya Shrestha ‘21

For any students wishing to participate in TikTok Addiction Therapy, group meetings are every Wednesday afternoon at the cafe table under the gummy bears stuck to the ceiling. If you wish to speak with a professional regarding your struggle with TikTok, please contact this hotline: +1-800-NOT-FAKE