Small School, Small Dating Culture: Do Jayhawks Date?

Ask any student about dating culture at the School, and typical replies include “what dating culture?” and “it exists?” Though these responses are often said with a scoff, it does beg the question: Why is dating at the School so unusual? 

The size of our student body is a significant reason why dating at the School is so difficult and rare. For many students formerly in relationships, smallness was a straining factor. It limits the dating pool and fosters a gossip culture that intrudes upon the relationship. “At the School, because it’s so small, it is really difficult to separate your own emotions and how you feel… from what other people [think and] feel,” reflects a senior who wishes to remain anonymous. “You get consumed [in other people’s opinions] and it can interfere with your relationship,” continues the same student. “Because it’s such a small school, and there’s not much going on, a lot of people will talk and try to spread rumors or find something that’s going on,” explains another senior, “and in that way, it discourages a lot of people from getting into a relationship, because they know it will be [gossiped] about a lot.” Other students formerly in relationships described the culture as somewhat toxic, saying that “people will judge [and] make comments, and everyone has an opinion about [your relationship], and they’re going to let you hear about it.”

Lack of privacy seems to be an inevitable part of dating at the School.  In a small community, having a relationship may also mean having one’s privacy invaded. “Once people find out that you are in [a] relationship, no matter who it is, everyone knows because it’s such a small school,” explains a senior. Teachers seem to contribute to this lack of privacy. “Not only is it all students that know about [your relationship], but eventually, the teachers know about it, as well,” describes another student. “It’s a little uncomfortable,” adds a student currently in a relationship, in regards to teachers commenting about student couples. 

Dating culture at the School, or lack thereof, may also be a result of the school’s culture in general. With a heavy workload, busy schedules, and lots to stress about, students at the School simply may not have the time or mental wherewithal for a relationship. “To [balance] school and a relationship,” comments a student formerly in a relationship, “it can be a lot.” In order for a relationship to be healthy and beneficial, “[both people] need to be in a healthy mindset,” explains a senior. “Since most people at [the School] are stressed and have mental health issues,” describes the same senior, “most students aren’t in a good headspace [to maintain a healthy relationship].” The awkwardness, rareness, and difficulty of our dating culture may not be specific to the School, but a reflection of high school relationships in general. As a junior states, “it’s very rare at [the School] to have an honest, healthy, [and] serious relationship. I think this is generally the case in high school; it’s not a common thing.”

However, this is not the consensus. A current couple has described their experience as positive, and have been able to maintain a healthy relationship. The couple concedes, however, their relationship was impacted by the awe-effect of a Head-Royce couple, stating that “no one else really dates, so it feels like you stand out.” 

Though the School’s dating culture constitutes a smaller part of the overall student life compared to other high schools, it does exist. The challenge lies in creating an environment that sustains healthy student relationships.