Satire
April 1, 2023, 8:00 am No Comments
Students –
This is an email to update you on all of the things that have been happening during the spring sports season.
We have started a pickleball team, to be coached by Ms. Glogover and Mr. Vann. The team was created after Glogover and Vann accidentally signed up for a new pickleball league because they thought that it was an interscholastic fermentation club. But now they need players. PLEASE SIGN UP if you are secretly 40+ years old on the inside!
We also started a football team, which will be coached by Mr. Fuentes, who thought that was the closest he could get to having a boxing team. Our captain is freshman offensive lineswoman Fiona Bonilla Duncan, who stands at 5 feet and a half inches. Other members include junior Lucas Ross and senior Alex Yu, who stand at the intimidating heights of 5 feet 4 inches and 4 feet 10 inches respectively.
Men’s Lacrosse got off to a fantastic start after getting 70 signups, including one from Mr. Von K, who’s been asked to revisit his lacrosse glory days and lead the new team to victory.
However, EVERYONE who is interested in Track and Field should sign up, as there have only been a meager four signups so far.
Since we have given in to pickleball, we finally let the middle schoolers start an E-Sports team. Their main game was going to be Krunker.io until they realized it was blocked on their school-issued Chromebooks, so they switched to 2048 Cupcakes.
Lastly, Men’s Volleyball had a very successful Senior Recognition Day. Faced with not having a single senior on the team, they decided to invite the players’ grandparents, the real seniors of the team, who then found themselves with an unexpected amount of playing time and went on to dominate Valley Christian and win 3-0.
LET’S GOOO JAYHAWKS!!!!!
Coach Blakeley
Head-Royce School
Director of Athletics
Office: 510-228-1550
Go Jayhawks!
Politics
Mia Gousman '28 October 24
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Mia Gousman '28
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