A Senior’s High School Advice Guide: Head-Royce Edition

As I’m nearing my last weeks of high school, I wanted to impart some sage, tried-and-true advice to everyone about how to navigate their experience smoothly at the School: 

1. Roll out your sleeping bags! It’s time to camp outside the MEW: Everyone knows that there is high demand for seats during assemblies. Reports say the weekly hallway fistfights for the front-row MEW seats have started to concern teachers. If you want to get the best, most close-up views of the perfectly functioning projector, you need to be outside the MEW by 10:00 pm on Tuesday evenings at the latest. 

2. Slow and steady wins the race: It’s absolutely crucial you slow down to a crawl in the hallways. Is it 12:50? Are people trying to get past you to their classes? Nah, it’s only right they have to barely avoid bumping into you. Swing your backpack around your head like Sia swings from the chandelier. Try spelling out “Jayhawk” with your body. Do the worm even. The world is your oyster, and the campus is your stage.

3. The Fast and Furious™ Driving School is calling your name: Students always reverse at healthy speeds out of the F Lot and the Greek Church parking lot. You must take the courteous step of signing up for driving lessons at the newly established, Jayhawk-run Fast and Furious™ Driving School. Support your peers! While you’re at it, practice maximizing the number of spots you can take up with your parking. Shoot for the stars. 

4. Get a head start on leadership: Does the CCO recommend you get involved in leadership? Can’t be too complacent, right? It’s your actions, not the titles that matter after all. Volunteer for captain’s positions without having been on the team before. Assert your dominance in the café lines, and shove obstacles (the seniors) out of your way. Contribute your opinions in others’ conversations on the patio when it’s not needed. Remember to stay true to yourself though! The School could use some more #Authenticity clubs. 

5. Stay still, silent, and self-conscious at school events: Remember the acronym, SSSS. Who cares what Louisa and Amelia say? At sports games, this fan section strategy just might intimidate the other teams more. The athletes have worked very hard at practice, so you just have to let them focus during games! With the usual other five people who show up to support, you can even start a new hype page, @chaboi_npc.