As seniors receive college decisions, a daunting question emerges: “Who will I room with?” For many, the search for a roommate feels like online dating, where students have to pitch themselves—and evaluate others’ pitches—to find their partner for the next year.
Some schools don’t give students the opportunity to select their own roommates, removing some of the stress that comes with students deciding for themselves—but with varying success. Other colleges, in contrast, allow students to select their own roommates, only assigning housing arrangements for those who did not want to or were unable to find someone themselves. Although self-selection may seem ideal, in practice it has its own drawbacks.
For instance, the growth of social media enabling committed students to find and contact each other online has made the process of choosing a roommate feel increasingly competitive and performative. Most colleges have student pages on Instagram where incoming freshmen can post pictures and captions describing themselves in order to appeal to a potential roommate. These posts often appear strikingly similar to profiles on dating apps, where others can quickly judge your looks and hobbies and determine their interest level. But even outside these pages, finding a room mate has become more stressful.
Senior Dylan Donovan, who will play tennis at Tufts University, is actively searching for a roommate. While he has considered contacting other committed athletes on Instagram to ask about rooming, he is hesitant because of how he might be perceived. “Reaching out for the first time to people is the
hardest thing,” he said. Donovan also thinks that there is a limit to how much you can truly get to know someone this way. “Online it’s difficult to evaluate if you’re actually going to enjoy them as a roommate,” he explained.
Senior Amelia Fung, who will attend Barnard College, in contrast, has already found her roommate. After seeing a college announcement story on Instagram, Fung messaged the student. “We had a nice conversation and then it got past the weird talking phase” she explained. “I felt it was a good fit once we talked for half a Facetime and then [progressed] into doing homework which felt familiar [to calling my friends].”
Fung reported that her successful search for a roommate resulted from her authenticity in their interactions. “If I felt like I had to be a specific way with someone I’m going to room with, that’s just too stressful,” she said.
As seniors navigate this high-stakes search, one thing seems certain: incoming freshmen should approach the process with vulnerability and honesty so that no one has to pretend to be someone they’re not once college begins.