Satire
April 3, 2024, 2:32 pm No Comments
In our increasingly digital world, one phenomenon has become increasingly popular, especially among high school students: sports betting. With every touchdown, buzzer-beater, point, and play, people worldwide have been wagering on the sports they’re passionate about.
Unfortunately for many high schoolers, the legal gambling age in California is 21, leaving many faced with the disappointment of being unable to indulge in their passion. Even so, many gambling-hungry students download mock sports betting apps to compensate and get their dopamine hit, but it’s not the same.
Gabi Ekman, a senior at the School says, “Using mock gambling apps is like trying to satisfy your hunger by looking at a picture of a cheeseburger. It looks delicious, but it’s not the real deal, you know?” Students were unhappy, but what could anyone do about it? In a shocking revelation that has sent waves through the School, an underground gambling operation has been discovered operating right under teachers’ and administrations’ noses. It may not come as a surprise to those who were complicit in the operation, but it was certainly a surprise to the administration who launched the investigation right away.
The investigation shed light on the gambling ring where just about everything was bet on from various sports events, card games, blackjack, and poker. The mastermind behind this illicit enterprise was revealed as senior Everett Villiger, who is quite the passionate gambler himself. Villiger, who takes Daniel Guzmán’s world-renowned economics class, says he “saw an opportunity in the market” and decided to capitalize on it, just as he had learned when selling boxes of pencils and shoes to his econ class.
Villiger says that his enterprise started as innocent bets among friends, but he quickly realized he could profit from other students’ participation by giving them a portion of each bet for providing the platform. Using his computer science education, Villiger utilized encrypted group chats and social media platforms to facilitate bets and winnings, meticulously ensuring the secrecy and integrity of the games. However, the allure of easy money and the adrenaline rush of high-stakes gambling came at a cost as the rumors eventually circled back to the administration.
Ricky Lapidus, the Head of the School, condemned Villiger’s actions, saying, “We can’t support gambling at Head-Royce. It’s inappropriate, illegal, and goes against everything the school stands for.” Villiger, however, disagreed with Lapidus, claiming that he was helping students through his gambling ring, claiming, “I a way, I am helping them. You know what my motto is: Gambling is the pathway to generational wealth. Mr. Lapidus wants to cut off that pathway for everyone. Maybe he should be investigated instead.”
Even though his operation was shut down, the impact of Villiger’s entrepreneurial endeavor still resonates across the School today. Marina Nikolic, a suspected enjoyer of the gambling ring, says, “I always thought that I would end up in Senior Superlatives for ‘Most Likely to be Late’, but it looks like I may end up with the title of ‘Best Snail Race Gambler!’”
It remains to be seen what consequences Villiger will have for his gambling ring, but the administration has mandated us to put a notice here to discourage illegal gambling and to remind students that setting up any other gambling rings at school will be met with consequences. Their warning should definitely not be taken as a challenge to see who can be the sneakiest gambler.
Opinions
Dillon Hong '25 October 24
Uncategorized
Dillon Hong '25
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
Comment *
Name *
Email *
Website
Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.